my job is toxic but pays well

how can I hire good candidates to work in a dysfunctional environment? I was in a similar situation to OP great salary and benefits, a lot of flexibility which was great when I had babies/small kids. I work for the largest employer in region and have been in my current job for over four years. Its okay to think of the future and how your needs might change once you arent driving kids any longer. Then again, we arent interested in becoming rich or anything either, so the things that make us happy arent all that impressive either. Can you pay down any debt you may have and build up a cash reserve? Nov 18, 2019 -- For a long time, I didn't know my job. My compromise with myself has been to look for other jobs but be really, really picky. I used it in particular when I was living with my parents after college. When Your Job Harms Your Mental Health Naomi Osaka advocated for her well-being at work. It makes it easy to work on them at home or at work. As an adult I understand that they considered the life we had a huge success compared to their own expectations and experiences. It seems counter-intuitive, but I think feeling stuck and helpless made me feel a lot worse than I needed to. With that context, Id take my current situation any day. In other words, the gap between what you get if you stay and what you get it if you leave is probably smaller than you might be fearing. Save as much money as possible; look for your next job carefully and deliberately; plan on being in your next gig in two years. Well see if I regret that a couple years from now! Find out what is really making you unhappy your job or your career. Have you and your partner discussed this? Bonus if your employer has some sort of outreach that supports this. 8. It seems silly, but whenever I felt trapped or helpless, I reminded myself that I actually could leave I could live in my car, I could couch-surf, I could move into a dangerous neighborhood, whatever. But are there ways you can pick up some additional skills, preferably on your employers dime? But if the job is actually toxic, no amount of rest or time away will make it tolerable for long once you return. I made that move, and although I dont like the lower pay (I took a 10% pay cut), longer commute, much less sick time, etc., and it DOES affect me to know that I had to do that, my sanity is so much better, and I feel like my career is back on track to an extent. Good luck to you either way! Very good points. Maybe you still can? I have been trying to look for other jobs here so I dont lose those, but so far no luck. Its not real. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It hasnt helped much so far, though. It was often tedious and had many annoyances, especially when I was working for a very toxic boss. Im in a similar position in that my job is very boring, theres not enough for me to do, particularly stuff that challenges me and uses my skills, but at the same time its very flexible, I can WFH often (I put that in quotes because theres not enough work for me to be working), and it pays pretty well. Will the life come back into your cheeks if you walk in the door and just shrug, happily click over to AAM to see whats new for the day, and do some meal planning or whatever in your spare time? My job doesnt have great pay, but it has great benefits, great flexibility, and colleagues I love. On a practical level, now in my 30s, I have to be very conscious in group work/volunteer situations that I am not taking on duties for the greater good at great personal expense (and outside norms). I genuinely believe that I just hate the concept of selling my time away, yet having to be aware of what Im doing during that time, to boot. Its important here to distinguish between a toxic job and burnout. I also didnt really like where I lived; it was expensive, my neighbors were from hell, and I felt stressed out because it was so overcrowded so my personal life wasnt my favorite either. I kept trying to find a better job, of course, and in the meantime developed a few hobbies such that I had enjoyable activities 2 or 3 times a week. Keep in mind, that a happy parent is good for the whole family, and an unhappy parent can trickle down in ways you might not realize. I am just not being utilized as one. For some people, their jobs provide them with tremendous personal satisfaction and meaning. Many people think they can just suck it up and not have it effect their family, but that kind of compartmentalization is rarely as tight as you imagine it is. I had saved up the OS Account so that I could have the dramatic exit. At old toxic job the one (only) thing they were good at was celebrating things; birthdays, babies, retirements and leavings etc. Do you have lots of sick time but get shamed for using it? (raises hand). 13 years is a really, really long time when you are unhappy. Seth J. Gillihan, PhD, is a licensed psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based interventions. AND since they were trying shrink the work force, the phone company started giving people bonus years to get them to retire and out the door. But being kind of bored and apathetic about my work doesnt crush my soul. More blog posts from Seth J. Gillihan, PhD, The Relentless Pursuit of Perfection and Its Ramifications, Resilience: Why It's More Important Now Than Ever. But this June, he landed a job at his old bosss level at a new company where he could build his department from the ground up. Ah, I was there a few years ago myself. I was used to the high from a high stakes, exciting job so I struggled with enjoying the less exciting job. Its important to find that balance. So youd never get a straight, workable answer to this question. I cosign this. But I suggest trying to reframe and spend time building new skills/distance learning at work before hanging it up. BUT I am a lot happier because two of my three life sections are going great. At both my current and my previous job they were horrible and Im someone who enjoys learning and I liked going to actual school classes. On your 2018-2020 calendar, set specific goals for credentials earned, savings goals met, networking contacts cultivated etc. gratitude!) Politics latest: 'Late' NHS plan 'like pulling emergency ripcord Warning: 10 Signs Your Job Really Is Toxic - Passion Writes Life Being a parent myself and viewing everything through that lens, Im going to give the same reality check that I would give myself in that situation. Just a note that she said shes part of the state retirement system, which most likely means shes a public employee. It would be different if it were 3 years instead of 13. So Ive finally come to the conclusion that I need to start looking, though I think I will wait until I come back from an upcoming trip, just so Im not juggling interviews or trying to deal with taking a vacation right after I start a new job. In 'Smart Sex,' Emily Morse Suggests the Key to Pleasure Is You and your partner might also want to take a hard look at your financial situation. I typically have low-wage, uneducated type of jobs, so Ive never had one that I didnt feel horrible about in some way. Its really unfortunate that some jobs have so much going for them except professional fulfillment. Im trying to not bring up the whining to my therapist as much because it just goes round and round. CEO freaked out when a new hire quit, brilliant employee is horribly inappropriate, and more, updates: stopping a nickname, taking over a deceased coworkers office, and more, update: our new admin crashed the company car and lied about it, my coworker keeps asking me for personal favors. If theyre not using your skills in the best manner, thats on them, not you. He worked his way up through a bunch of State agencies, did something like 9 years in private consulting, and then went back to the State to finish out his tenure. Still its a struggle some days. 1. I used to work as a long distance operator, and really did not enjoy the work. Good pay? The pay was great, vacation and holidays very generous (of course I had to work a lot of Christmas, Easter, ect. Yes; this helped me when I switched from an exciting and extremely high paying job with no free time to a still-very-good paying job that is somewhat-less-exciting with organizational annoyances but good work/life balance. My employer is a mess with constant scandals in the news, reorganizations and firings with no explanations, and poor outcomes. There is definitely something to be said for a great work/life balance with good benefits, if you can stick it out. Need advice: my job is toxic and I want to quit without a new - Reddit Im okay with this setup. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service or treatment. She talked about creating a lists of pros and cons, and then what it was like doing the new job, and, then, in the end, why she ultimately decided to leave the new job and return to her old one. Start Ramsey+ for free: https://bit.ly/35ufR1qVisit the Dave Ramsey store today fo. :). Ive been tracking the Oregon PERS news for a while and dont see very many optimistic takes, from either side. Ive also been (currently am!) Warning: 10 Signs Your Job Really Is Toxic - Medium Something clicked and now Im able to frame the political posturing as just part of a process to work through. The constant reorgs and leadership changes + not a lot to do makes me worry about stability too. This question hits really close to home. I wouldnt underestimate this portion of the calculation. I thought about looking elsewhere but like you the pay is okay, the benefits are outstanding, the time off (vacation, sick time and holidays) is almost unheard of anywhere else, and it is a union-protected job with state retirement and a public employees retirement system. I'm job searching at the moment (applying for so many things on the internet) because my current job has a lot of toxic people. This blog wouldnt exist if readers happiness didnt matter and Alisons only advice would be suck it up and be grateful that you have a job because there are starving children out there.. Instead youre always uneasy, on edge, or just emotionally weary. But I finally had a schedule that worked for me. managing an employee who lies, I was the only one carded at a business lunch, and more. Our new management is great, and has brought a new energy to things. I totally agree with finding volunteer work! Asking for advice in a forum like this is asking what would you do? to both Allison and the commentariat. Hes committed to doing his job well but is mentally detached from the organization. I honestly think Ill get canned before then because I have enough enemies here even if Im on the good side of management (for the moment at least). Do you need to take any steps to get there, such as getting a certification, going back to school part-time, etc.? However, in this case I would say stick it out until you can take the 55 retirement (or until a layoff if theyre as bad as you say). Ill third that, its a great recommendation for staying sane in a dead-end job! That was a false notion built on the idea that pay and benefits should buy me tolerating abuse. If you dont have down time and its all busy filler work in between relevant projects, maybe come up with a reward system for yourself, for getting through the tedium. My job, administrative assistant, in higher education, was similar. Select the career path that aligns with you: Marketing Sales Data It might also be really great to think about exactly what kind of work you might like to do with the skills youve gained, rather than just look for a job where youre busier during the day or just have a more pleasant culture. I have taken on some volunteer design work for a non-profit I believe in, as well as for groups my kids are involved with, and this variety has given me a lot more creative fulfillment, as well as the satisfaction of providing a valuable service for highly appreciative recipients. It does matter how much you can afford and absorb financially to change. It enables me to have a great life outside of business hours. If he hits you, just deal with it. At one point I was thinking of running a game based in the universe, but it didnt materialize. I was previously in a management position and was hired in my current job as an administrator. I have 3 years until Im fully vested in the retirement system, and I may look elsewhere after that. There are readers who are un/underemployed for whom the OPs description sounds like paradise. Because I think that might be the best solution, if thats possible. Sometimes I have to chant to myself its just work. You know how many people are underutilized and bored at work with *low* pay and little time off? This. Quitting my job and prioritizing a working life in the arts has completely shifted my relationship to money. The pay sucked but the benefits were amazing, and I worked with some amazing people (mostly) doing work I (mostly) found fulfilling. Even updating your resume can make you feel less *stuck*. Do you make tons of money but have to work such long hours you never see your family? With all of the changes in leadership many folks dont know my skills or what l am capable of or what my role is. No matter how agreeable your co-workers are or how positive the work environment may be, it wont be healthy for you if the fit isnt right. So I have decided to focus on what I like about the job flexibility, great co-workers, adequate pay, health insurance and choose to ignore the crazy dysfunction that is poor management coupled with shrinking demand for our product. I dont feel like Im putting on some kind of faade. And his energy level and mood lifted considerably once he didnt have to cater to a narcissists mercurial whims anymore. However, my job works great for my family and personal life. Some people never even have the luxury of a partner! destroying self-confidence sucking the life hate my job I am all for reframing where appropriate and applicable, but lots of jobs are NOT described this way. I have a very high tolerance for jerks, but I still feel stressed and annoyed every day. I got paid hardly at all because of that (obvs), but I had time to do side work that actually meant something to me. Who knows. OP, if I were you, I would start a job search but be picky only apply to jobs that seem like they will work well with your family situation. I'm looking for some advice on dealing with my current job, which is my first out of college. Job hunting doesnt mean youre committed to changing jobs. But that doesnt mean that your unhappiness isnt real and important. I dont know, but a friend of mine has been in a verbally (at least, Im not too sure if its physical) relationship for 30+ years and he always has a much better job than she does and shes usually only able to get crap temp secretarial jobs with no insurance. Its amazing what is possible to fit in during/around a job, and then when you look at the whole picture, the job becomes valuable because of how it contributes to the whole. ), er, a butt in a chair giving directions should be a butt in a chair occasionally giving directions to people who walk in the door., Hahaha, I should tell her this description, maybe she could use it in one of her books! and our However, I cant find any other options out there to choose to leave and I admit, a lot of me doesnt want to give up my tons of vacation time and benefits to go back to nothing. I had all the different races, their characteristics, how much of the population in hundreds of cities was each race, diseases, wars, magical disasters caused by mana concentration from uncontrolled magical individuals in locations which culturally did not allow them to be trained what percentage of half-dwarf males are Chosen by the God of Thieves? On piece of advice if you do decide to leave: dont take a vague money isnt everything approach, take a good look at your finances and make a list of the things that you will have to do without and the changes you will have to make. Taking a pay cut in order to be happier is extremely common, and taking a minor to medium benefits cut might not be that different. Are All Workplaces Toxic These Days? | Psychology Today Im not sure I could look at 13 more years of this. Are there classes you can take now, to position yourself? Staying in the job and doing something on the side feels more like I am delaying the inevitable. It was a cool little world, though. This is the same as saying that you cant complain about anything because someone else always has it worse. Check into what kinds of professional development they have available, then work that for all its worth. In theory, you could decide to accept that the many downsides of the job arent going to change, to stop caring that they wont, and to focus on the reasons youve chosen to be there anyway. However, like Alison says, theres no harm in looking. But working for his abusive, unsupportive boss going on 20 years had taken a mental health toll he knew he was explaining way. What was on my computer screen could be seen by everyone who walked by, guests included, so it was fine to look at Facebook/personal email/shop on Amazon/whatever, but I wouldnt leave it open if I was looking away from my computer for longer than five seconds (answering the phone, greeting guests, helping someone out, etc.). +1000000 to looking into whether you can work from home. If your employer offers free lunch, dont have the audacity to complain that youre allergic or worse need other options due to religion. It was a great when I was younger, but no every time I ended up with a migraine at the end of the day. I am also part of the state retirement system which I already have 17 years into, and if I stayed in my job for 13 more years I could retire with 30 years of service at age 55. Most of them let children of employees get a huge tuition discount, and some of them even participate in tuition discounts with a list of other schools across the country. If youre so miserable that your partner is prepared to live on ramen noodles to get you out of there, it will affect the character of the discussion. So I need to be better at advocating for myself and selling my self. Toxic work can completely wreck your sleep. 15 Signs Your Job Has Compromised Your Mental Heath By Raven Ishak on July 19, 2019 Getty Images Let's be honest: No job is perfect. It might even spill over into your time at home with your family, which is the most upsetting part for you. But not every state is managed that way, they may indeed be able to count on it. This resonates with me a lot. I had to remind myself at my last job that great benefits (for the most part leave may be the exception) are just money. Its hard to feel positive emotions at work. You're not alone. Whatever your reason, leaving a position is never a bad decision if it makes you feel happier, healthier or more aligned with your goals or values. The annuity you think is locked in when you retire at fifty-five IS NOT CERTAIN. Every Friday night I typed into a Word document all the horrible things she did and the way I felt about them. And thats OK! His reply was its simple. Good luck with your situation. This is helpful as right now I feel stuck/trapped. It sounds like your job gives you plenty of opportunity and time to pursue interests outside of work. Or would you be helped with a higher credential? I do miss those non-work parts of my old job, but I guess it was worth it to respect myself. I have had this fear also and something that helps me a bit was this: One thing I would be worried about (as others have said) is that with at least 13 years more to go until your possible retirement, theres a lot that can happen in that time! Once you know this, you can be happy all the time and find the perfect job that will shower you with money. It doesnt make me say things like my self-confidence is being destroyed or the life is being sucked out of me. If its affecting your mental health to the point its damaging your family relationships, theres no amount of money worth that. Pull back the layers and see what sucking it up means all around. I definitely understand the need to have your skill set being utilized, and it can be incredibly demoralizing when you dont get that outlet/satisfaction. 3. I have never thought about it before but I also feel invisible. Ill just work from home again, you tell yourself.. In a desirable department? Answer (1 of 5): Yes, it's the job I currently have. This is kind of where I fall. But mentally reframing it as Im doing this meh thing for 40 hours a week because it lets the other 128 hours be awesome can sometimes really help make things a lot more bearable. But in that case, I do think that you should seriously consider leaving. Ive seen people hate their jobs for 30 years and they are not fun to be around. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Are you *sure* there are no internal moves available that might be a bit more rewarding day to day while keeping the benefits? I don't know how to get past my toxic job Ask a Manager Big difference between boring jobby job, and abusive hateful environment where numerous people are needing medical and psychiatric help. It's clear that working for a toxic boss can take a serious toll on your well-being, and new research shows just how damaging it can be. Yes, your state pension might not stay intact through retirement. For example, a co-worker who doesnt want you to leave is likely to give you biased feedback. While not challenging or professionally fulfilling, it sounds as if the workload is manageable (not much, if any, overtime). Im just kind of disengaged for 8-9 hours a day. The winter Olympics have been exciting to watch and its so inspiring to see the incredible athletes in action. "Our nervous systems in toxic jobs are constantly on edge," Reynolds said. Considering the great pay, vacation and benefits, and the retirement plan, if it were me I think Id be happy to stay put in the position. Some examples would be if there is a formal volunteering program (I know someone who has permission to volunteer at the local school regularly during work hours), as a committee rep (my org has committees for specific areas of scientific interest as well as a green team ), community outreach representing the org (my neighbor gets credit for the time he spends representing the City in neighborhood outreach events), short-term coverage of vacancies stuff like that. I might be in an accident, or be killed on my walks to work through the dark fog. Gimme that! Do I stay at my current job because it works well for my family, has great pay and benefits, and I can potentially retire young or is it time for me to look for a new job? If you had asked me 2 years ago I had the same framing youre describing. Youre often physically ill. Countless studies have shown the effects of chronic stress on the immune system. I will probably be crushed by a huge truck soon. I finally opened up my search outside the organization, and was able to find a job with the same salary and a significant reduction in benefits, but way more flexibility than I ever hoped possible (unlimited time off) and a huge step forward in career growth potential. its just work when I get frustrated, but Ive mostly internalized it now. Another thought: Does your employer have provisions for long-term leave without pay? 6 hours a night is still 42 hours per week. Truth be told, Ive mostly stayed as long as I have because I love having my own office, but Im finally starting to get to the point where Im not sure thats enough to outweigh the crappy parts. Its probably between (a) being miserable but well paid with great benefits and (b) being happy with pay/benefits that are decent but just not as unusually stellar as you have now. My previous employer offered great retirement benefits that I couldnt match, which kept me in place for a while but ultimately by finding a job that allowed me to move up and make more salary, I got the equivalent benefit. My other terror is that my work ethic is going to vanishIve already lost a lot of my good work habits because it simply isnt necessary here. And after his dramatic resignation, Lord Goldsmith has spoken out . So I tried to use that to not fear losing the job because its not necessarily a bad thing. Looked good on my resume. OP said that she is a civil servant. It's not necessarily rewarding so much as perfect for my schedule. Alternately, Ive been in a position where I was expected to look busy but would have been in trouble if anyone figured out my looking busy in slow times was working on personal stuff. I do try to not do that too much. Its so easy to take the stress of the day out on people you love without realizing its happening. Our kids have very close relationships with all of their grandparents; the grandparents can easily attend school and sporting events; and the grandparents provide all of our childcare. According to a recent article in Time, more than 4.2 million people quit their jobs in August, and the "2021 quit levels are about 10% to 15% higher than they were in record-setting 2019 . I had a horrible amount of downtime at my current job and used it to do online coursework towards my Masters Degree. You do commit 40+ hours a week for your job thats a lot of time. The only reason I did not was because I knew I COULD. So far Ive been waiting it out but keeping my eyes peeled, but it can really be draining. Were you doing this as part of a game, or a story, or is this just the sort of thing you do for fun? My job is not my life. Your sleep is much worse on work days. 9 signs you need to quit your job for the sake of your mental health I Quit My Job And Now My Partner Pays Our Bills. Here's How - HuffPost Yup. As others have mentioned, go ahead and develop your skills. If you decide to stay at your job, you will need a major attitude adjustment, so that you can view it as just a way to get money, and possibly other work (paid or not) to get the validation that you should be getting from your job. But ask your benefits office to be sure every state is different, and the rules may be different depending on when you first became a state employee, what kind of pension plan you have (if it IS a pension plan vs. a retirement account), and so on.
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